The ideas / issues that am exploring in my identity project are sex and religion.

I have been gay my entire life. This is not something that happened over the years through accumulated experience. This is not a hormonal surge that started with my sexual coming of age. It is intrinsic to my character. I was gay in kindergarten and it was obvious and as I grew to adolescence is became even more obvious. Unfortunately, I was also catholic. These two areas of my identity came into direct confrontation with one another for the first time when I was 13. Puberty was in full swing with all the drama and upheaval that comes with it and I about to be confirmed as an adult in the eyes of the church. The year was 1983. A particularly controversial plague was just creping into the public consciousness. The pastor of my parish who was “teaching” my confirmation class had some particularly ugly things to say about AIDS being a punishment. I had always been good at religion, intending was to become a priest. I had some bible quotes for my “teacher”. I was barred from the class for the day and from heaven for eternity. Sr. Ausumpta, my homeroom teacher, found me in the hallway and had me explain how I got there. When the pastor had left the classroom she took me into the class and closed the doors, all the doors even the ones leading to the coatroom. . She gathered the entire class around her in a huddle so we could hear her as she whispered. In a clear and gentle voice she told us “Ignore everything that mean, bigoted, old-man just said to you. I have not devoted my life to an angry and vengeful god. My God, our God is one of forgiveness, mercy and love. You are about to be confirmed, you are adults. You all know when someone is acting out of love and when someone is not. You must think for yourself.”

That afternoon defined me. That remarkable, simple, woman gave me permission to trust myself to “know better”. Armed with that self-trust I have been able to understand the truth in this religion and walk away from the fear and anger. As a result I have carried a piece of catholisism through out my life even though I have not participated in any rituals since my confirmation. This project allows me to play off both the cultural histories that make me who I am.